When you allow your feelings to be as they are, then they can change. When you try to change them, they stay unchanged.
What is split off, not felt, remains they same. When it is felt, it changes. Most people don't know this. They think that by not permitting the feeling of their negative ways they make themselves good. On the contrary, this keeps these negatives static, the same from year to year. A few moments of feeling it in your body allows it to change. If there is something bad or sick or unsound, let it inwardly be, and breathe. That's the only way it can evolve and change into the form it needs.
The inner climate of letting it inwardly be is necessary for inner change. And this is the inner good news. You may think that allowing your feelings to be, will make them bigger or will give them permission to go out of control. You will find that just the opposite is the case. Your feelings get bigger and more painful when they aren't allowed to be. When they are allowed to be, they settle down to have a conversation with you, and that conversation leads to change.
Focusing is being a good listener to your inner self. There are parts of you that want to be heard without judgment, without criticism, without advice. In Focusing, you can give yourself that non-judgmental listening that feels good and brings greater clarity.
The Qualities of good listening are:
- A welcoming presence, which means you are interested in everything you become aware of inside.
- Holding the space, which means bringing your awareness to your inner world and holding it there.
- Hear the essence, which means listening for what is longing to be heard.
- Staying in present time, which means not being distracted by dwelling on what happened in the past, or on fantasies or fears about the future.
When you notice your having a feeling, say to the feeling, "Hello, I know you're there." This might seem ridiculously simple, but it's actually such a powerfully helpful move that you will probably feel relief just from doing this alone. It's amazing how often we don't do this. We ignore how we feel, we try to get rid of how we feel, we argue with how we feel-but we're not actually acknowledging how we feel. We treat our felt senses like an unwelcome party guest, to be talked about but never directly spoken to.
(From: The Power of Focusing by Ann Weiser Cornell, Ph.D.)
