The Real Self in Action

Spontaneity and aliveness of affect. The capacity to experience a wide range of feelings deeply with liveliness, joy, vigor, excitement, and spontaneity. The real self does not block feelings of deaden the impact of emotions but provides a sense of what is appropriate. The real self provides for the experience of emotions both good and bad, pleasant and unpleasant. These are a necessary and fundamental part of life, and the real self does not erect barriers against these feelings or go into hiding. It accepts the wide range of feelings and is not afraid to express them.
Self-entitlement. The capacity to expect appropriate entitlements. Healthy individuals build up a sense of entitlement to appropriate experiences of mastery and pleasure, as well as the environmental input necessary to achieve these objectives. We come to expect that we can in fact master our lives and achieve what is good for us.
Self-activation, assertion and support. The capacity for self-activation and assertion. This capacity includes the ability to identify one's own unique individuality, wishes, dreams, and goals and to be assertive in expressing them autonomously. It also includes taking the necessary steps to make these dreams a reality and supporting them when they are under attack.
Acknowledgment of self-activation and maintenance of self-esteem. This capacity allows a person to identify and acknowledge that s/he has successfully coped with a problem or crisis in a positive and creative way. We cannot always rely on others to refuel our sense of self-esteem. The real self must do it. Whether or not the world acknowledges our worth, the real self has the capacity to keep it foremost in our minds and the capacity to assert itself when necessary to renew the belief that we are worthwhile individuals, entitled to setting and reaching our goals.
Soothing of painful affects. The capacity to autonomously devise means to limit, minimize and soothe painful feelings.
Commitment. The ability to make and stick to commitments. To commit the self to an objective or a relationship and to persevere, despite obstacles and setbacks, to attain that goal.
Creativity. The ability to replace old, familiar patterns of living and problem-solving with new and equally or more successful ones. It is also the ability to rearrange intrapsychic patterns that threaten to block self-expression without which there can be no creativity. We may need to learn how to view things differently to eliminate false impressions and replace them with accurate, realistic ones. We may need to diffuse the negative memories or feelings that we associate with certain activities or situations so we can engage in them from an emotionally neutral or positive stance.
Intimacy. The capacity to express the real self fully and honestly in a close relationship with another person with minimal anxiety about abandonment or engulfment.
The ability to be alone. The real self allows us to be alone without feeling abandoned. It enables us to manage ourselves and our feelings on our own.
Continuity of self. The capacity to recognize and acknowledge that we each have a core that persists through space and time

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