- Blame. It's not your fault it's theirs. You take no responsibility for the situation. It's up to them to change, not you.
- You have the universal truth. You're right, they're wrong. You are determined to prove your point rather than express your feeling (most people would rather be right than happy). You are not interested in how the other person is thinking or feeling.
- Defensiveness. Fear for criticism stops you from hearing potentially valuable information from others. Self-examination is the only real vehicle for growth.
- I'm a victim. You have no effect on your environment; you are powerless so why try. You just sit back and sulk or complain instead of being proactive and working things through.
- Fixer. You want to fix it; you jump in with suggestions and solutions instead of just being present and listening.
- Scapegoating. You remain uninvolved in the conflict, acting as if you are perfectly happy and sane. You suggest it is the other person that has a "problem," not you.
- Narcissistic. It's all about you. You pitch a fit when you don't get it your way. When you do not get exactly the treatment you think you deserve you refuse to try to understand the other's perspective. You don't really care how they feel or think.
- Fear. You fear being taken advantage of and put up a wall so you won't be "taken in." You fear being controlled or swallowed up so you must resist.
- Diversion. You avoid listening to the current issue by bringing up the past.
Counterattack. You believe the best defense is a good offense. Instead of listening and trying to understand, you are busy formulating you counterattack.
Blocks to Productive Listening
The most common barrier to a healthy relationship is ineffective listening habits. The ability to listen well can impact every aspect of our lives, as does ineffective listening skills. The following identifies 9 "blocks" to productive listening. These "blocks" can leave us feeling disconnected with others, which take us further away from creating the imtimacy we desire in our relationships.
