Active listening is a process of accurately reflecting back the content of a message from one partner. It indicates that you are willing to put aside your own thoughts and feelings for the moment and attempt to understand your partner from their point of view. The results are feelings of validation, understanding and caring. This is the key to intimacy and often results in powerful emotional healing. Here is the process:
Speaker: When you did/said ______, I felt_______(feeling words).
Listener: What I heard you say is, when I did/said _______, you felt _______.
Did I hear you correctly?
(If answer is no, ask the speaker to repeat the statement and reflect it back again until accurate).
Speaker: Yes, that was correct.
Listener: Is there anything more you would like to say?
Speaker: No, that's it. (If yes, repeat the process)
Listener: I can imagine how that felt and I'd like you to know I am sorry you experienced that. It was not my intention to hurt you. (If it was your intention to hurt, take responsibility, give a heartfelt apology and move on.)
Speaker: Thank you for hearing me and acknowledging my feelings.
Listener: What can I do right now to help you feel better?
*Note for listener
Listen attentively to the other person, make eye contact and keep your thoughts focused on what's being said. Do not assume you know what is going to be said, do not start thinking of a response
